An attempt at brevity…

December 9, 2011

Morning,

So. Without further ado, I’m going to finish telling you what I started to tell you yesterday about SuperCoach Bev (SCB) and my day of productivity on Wednesday.

It all began at 11am on Wednesday morning when SCB called and we spoke a bit about my difficulties with procrastination etc and why I didn’t have much faith in my ability to implement organisational strategies after years of obsessing over to-do-lists and timetables that I’ve never managed to stick to. Indeed, I think this is an experience to which many ADHDers can relate and so needs no further explanation. Because my posts tend to be quite text-heavy (and recent feedback suggests I might want to think about y’know, brevity), I am going to use a visual aid from the good people at xkcd.com (sorry about this, you have probably lost several hours since clicking on this link) to explain this phenomenon to the non-ADHers among you:

So yes, you see my problem. Anyway, SCB has come up with some crafty ideas to prevent this from happening and I’m going to be open-minded and give them a go. On Wednesday though, the conversation went like this:

SCB: What do you need to do today?

Me: Take my duvet to the dry cleaners because my cat pissed on it again, write a report on my student whose dissertation I am (laughably enough) supervising, and finish my PhD.

SCB: That might not be a realistic to-do-list. Let’s focus on the first two. It’s better to achieve those two things than not achieve anything because you’ve set an unrealistic goal.

Me: Good point. How do I achieve the first two things?

SCB: You half half an hr to get dressed and get out of the house, one hour to get back from the dry cleaners, and then you need to split up the work into 15-30 minute sessions with breaks in between. I will be phoning and texting at regular intervals to make sure you’re on track.

And she did! And I did it! It was an amazing brilliant feeling. I’m not sure whether it was the encouragement, the close supervision, or my need to please that made this work for me but I’m not questioning it. With the exception of two small kitchen fires, it was a really good day and I feel better.

My next step is to go back on the meds (I’ve actually been meaning to write a post about this since October). This is going to be a long step (more a lighthouse-like flight of stairs really)  consisting of many hundred gabillion steps which are as of yet unknowable but I am feeling hopeful, determined, motivated… It’s very unusual.

Anyway, yesterday I forgot it was Thursday (clearly not cured yet) so here’s my belated weekly Haiku for ADHD:

 

 

I love your blue coat—

Sorry, what were we saying?

I don’t remember.

 

Another Lesson Not Learned

December 1, 2011

So a couple of weeks ago I lost my passport. I was v annoyed with myself because it had been a good long while since I last lost anything. In fact, Internet, I think the last time I lost anything, y’know, important was the day I found the spare keys to my flat lying next to the wheelie bins. And I didn’t even know I’d lost them until I found them so that just doesn’t really count as lost.

Anyway, I realised the passport was lost some time ago but couldn’t remember when I’d last had it. Which didn’t give me much to go on in terms of retracing my steps (plus I had an uncomfortable feeling that it might have somehow got inside the book I posted to Cambridge last week. This has happened with a variety of objects including bank cards, library cards, to-do-lists, and my cat’s vaccination certificate). What I should have done, was ring some places I go to sometimes, ask if they had the passport, and if that investigation didn’t generate any promising leads then I could conclude it was, indeed, missing presumed dead, and reported it.

I didn’t.

Rather, I decided I’d look for it for a week first. Of course, other than repeatedly turning my handbag inside out (that’s where it’s usually kept) in disbelief, I didn’t do much looking. I asked the guy in the shop whether I’d left it on the shop counter when I’d been in to buy beer. He asked what it looked like. I said it just looked like a normal British passport. He asked if it had my name in. I left the shop in bewilderment.

After that, the trail went cold and despite the threat of identity theft, and lots of very sensible people advising me very sensibly to report it missing, I somehow just never got round to it. Fast forward to today. M and I are walking back from our place of work in the rain, squabbling about which of us should carry the umbrella, when a man we vaguely recognise from ‘about’ approaches us.

Man: Your passport is behind the bar in the Hobgoblin.

Me [with surprise and gratitude]: Squark! (Am not articulate when feeling both surprised and grateful at the same time – brain deletes words at random)

M: For fucks sake

Me: What? My passport has been found. Isn’t it a good thing I didn’t cancel it when you told me to. I told you it was better to wait and look for it.

M: But you weren’t looking for it. You didn’t look. At all.

Me: Well, it would appear I didn’t have to.

M: Another lesson not learned.

He has a point of course. These things have a habit of working themselves out and a small part of me never gives up hope that everything will resolve itself without me lifting a finger, despite all evidence indicating otherwise. When, as tends to happen, things do magically resolve themselves, this only reinforces my belief that in the face of possible identity theft or other dire consequence, the best place for my head is most definitely the sand.

In way of a conclusion Internet, I will offer no flourish, no moral message. and no sign-off. I will merely acknowledge that it is Thursday and serve up another meagre portion of the customary (it’s the third) Thursday Haiku for ADHD:

 

A picture of you:

Two years and the glass still cracked

Will mend it. One day.

 

(Almost) Fully Operational

November 24, 2011

[Notice: It seems my brain has been experiencing some technical difficulties. Whilst I am working hard to resolve these issues with the minimum of disruption, some services (such as coherency, quality, and bracket-impulse control ) may be limited. I apologise for any inconvenience or frustration this may cause.]

Good morning, Internet.

After several days of distress, things have vastly improved. Most of these days were spent playing Sims3 on my phone because the pixellated world of Lou, my sim-avatar,  seemed a far less shitty place to be than Real Life. Being new to this type of strategy game (which is apparently what we call them – thanks M!), it took me several attempts to work out how to prevent Lou from starving to death. On my final attempt, she was flourishing in health and got a promotion at work thus doubling her income. Sadly, on her first day in her new job, she choked on a pretzel and died. I couldn’t cope with the cruel irony of this latest demise and have now deleted the whole bloody game.

Nevertheless, after recent events (in Real Life. I am talking about Real Life now people), I think having limited autonomy of my own actions is possibly the way forward for me so I’m now accepting applications from people prepared to manage my life in this way. Duties include: reminding me to shower, take a pee, and eat; restricting my interactions with people to a friendly greeting; and managing my budget and life goals. The successful applicant must be patient, reliable, and willing to work anti-social hours. Time-wasters need not apply, (that’s one area in which I’m already fairly competent).

Anyway, it’s Thursday, so it’s time for the second installment of Haiku for ADHD. This week, it’s a pair of haiku/haikus (how do we pluralise haiku please Internet?) for additional emphasis.

Conversation fail:

Speak, listen, speak, listen, speak,

Speak, speak, speak, speak, speak…

Let’s try that again. Go:

You then me, you then me, me,

Me, me, me, oops….

Haiku for ADHD

November 17, 2011

Hey hey hey, Internet.

Today finds me in a reasonable mood, despite productivity being low and distractibility being exceedingly high. So far today the only things I have finished are a whole packet of polos and the last of the loo roll (never did get round to buying any, despite repeatedly noting to self that it has been running low). Hopefully the laxative effect they warn you about only applies to the sugar-free variety. Otherwise I could be in trouble.

Anyway, because I am running out of day in which to achieve anything remotely useful, I thought it would be good for me to start a blog post that I could complete quickly and without becoming distracted. I therefore decided, Internet, that I would impose some restrictions upon myself. For, example, a 17 syllable length restriction, a three-minute time restriction, and a strict prohibition on the curly bracket, my Achilles heel of appropriate punctuation. For this reason I am introducing what may well be the beginning of a regular series of posts (in the name of brevity): the ADHD Haiku (really, the inventor of the Haiku should be given an ADHD genius award. Or summat).

So here it is:

ADHD HAIKU number 1*

Angry driver BEEPS:

The man is green and has been

For some time. Sorry.

 

Edit: You Americans and Canadians have green men on the traffic lights, yes? If not, apologies, and google is your friend.

*(where the fuck is the hash key on a Mac pls??)