(Almost) Fully Operational

[Notice: It seems my brain has been experiencing some technical difficulties. Whilst I am working hard to resolve these issues with the minimum of disruption, some services (such as coherency, quality, and bracket-impulse control ) may be limited. I apologise for any inconvenience or frustration this may cause.]

Good morning, Internet.

After several days of distress, things have vastly improved. Most of these days were spent playing Sims3 on my phone because the pixellated world of Lou, my sim-avatar,  seemed a far less shitty place to be than Real Life. Being new to this type of strategy game (which is apparently what we call them – thanks M!), it took me several attempts to work out how to prevent Lou from starving to death. On my final attempt, she was flourishing in health and got a promotion at work thus doubling her income. Sadly, on her first day in her new job, she choked on a pretzel and died. I couldn’t cope with the cruel irony of this latest demise and have now deleted the whole bloody game.

Nevertheless, after recent events (in Real Life. I am talking about Real Life now people), I think having limited autonomy of my own actions is possibly the way forward for me so I’m now accepting applications from people prepared to manage my life in this way. Duties include: reminding me to shower, take a pee, and eat; restricting my interactions with people to a friendly greeting; and managing my budget and life goals. The successful applicant must be patient, reliable, and willing to work anti-social hours. Time-wasters need not apply, (that’s one area in which I’m already fairly competent).

Anyway, it’s Thursday, so it’s time for the second installment of Haiku for ADHD. This week, it’s a pair of haiku/haikus (how do we pluralise haiku please Internet?) for additional emphasis.

Conversation fail:

Speak, listen, speak, listen, speak,

Speak, speak, speak, speak, speak…

Let’s try that again. Go:

You then me, you then me, me,

Me, me, me, oops….

Haiku for ADHD

Hey hey hey, Internet.

Today finds me in a reasonable mood, despite productivity being low and distractibility being exceedingly high. So far today the only things I have finished are a whole packet of polos and the last of the loo roll (never did get round to buying any, despite repeatedly noting to self that it has been running low). Hopefully the laxative effect they warn you about only applies to the sugar-free variety. Otherwise I could be in trouble.

Anyway, because I am running out of day in which to achieve anything remotely useful, I thought it would be good for me to start a blog post that I could complete quickly and without becoming distracted. I therefore decided, Internet, that I would impose some restrictions upon myself. For, example, a 17 syllable length restriction, a three-minute time restriction, and a strict prohibition on the curly bracket, my Achilles heel of appropriate punctuation. For this reason I am introducing what may well be the beginning of a regular series of posts (in the name of brevity): the ADHD Haiku (really, the inventor of the Haiku should be given an ADHD genius award. Or summat).

So here it is:

ADHD HAIKU number 1*

Angry driver BEEPS:

The man is green and has been

For some time. Sorry.

 

Edit: You Americans and Canadians have green men on the traffic lights, yes? If not, apologies, and google is your friend.

*(where the fuck is the hash key on a Mac pls??)

Q: How many cups of tea…

does it take an ADHDer to write a PhD?

A: Not sure. Am on cup 5 and still counting.

Cup 1: Faff about.

Cup 2: Check blog stats. Notice that somebody searched for “restaurant bus” in russian. That’s автобус ресторан for anyone wondering.

Cup 3: Send some self-pitying texts about how much work I have to do. Modify plan.

Cup 4: Faff about. Check washing machine for napping cats. Put washing on. Realise once it’s too late that I forgot to add washing powder. I am reminded of the time I made biscuits and forgot to include the flour. But my childhood baking catastrophes are a tale that deserve a post of their own someday.

Cup 5: Open Word document upon which I have 800 of the 1500 words I need. Have some kind of minor brain melt and somehow accidentally disapperate and end up on WordPress relating the whole sorry tale.

Gahhh (or as oooshiny might say ‘shitpissfuckandbuggerybollocks’ – hi shiny!), I really need to sort myself out. Need to send work to Supervisor P by tonight latest. Need to get started now. Right this minute…

 

 

 

 

…I better just nip and pop the kettle on.